Keeping chickens is very simple. There are only four basic things to do:

1. Let them out in the morning

2. Shut them in at night AND COUNT THEM!!!!!!!!

3. Keep their food and water topped up

4. Collect all those eggs

If you want some extra bonus things you can also bring a chicken in for a cuddle whilst you watch the TV. Rhodies are very happy for you to do this and will sit there quite calmly watching the TV with you. Be warned though, they will expect some titbits if you bring them inside.

My chickens are very friendly and love to talk to you about all sorts of things. They told me that they are glad that the war in Iraq is now over and that they have heard of a really good joke.

Chirac 'So where's the weapons of mass destruction then?'
Bush 'We have all the evidence'
Chirac 'But where is the evidence'
Bush 'I've told you we have all the evidence, we kept all the receipts'

Good old chickens, they know all the best jokes.

In the event of some major incident DO NOT PANIC. The worst that could happen is that you may have to eat them. If they escape and run away then it's tough luck on them. If they decide to go and eat up all of your neighbours' plants then it's all your fault! If they stop laying eggs then you can share them around (with acknowledgements to your friendly neighbourhood butcher - be warned that unless the dead chicken is a young spring chicken then there may be some chewing or a long long cooking time .......). Finally......... I currently have a flexible total of chickens depending on Billy Bloody Badger.

My chickens ONCE UPON A TIME
 Layed Big Eggs! That's right 8.5cm!

The Great Escape!

My chickens are very intelligent, scheming, plotting and highly educated but are brain dead stupid creatures. They are always up to something but always miss the obvious. For further education on this watch the totally factual and true film - Chicken Run.

The late Brown Leghorn, pictured on the left, (commonly known as Foghorn Leghorn) was the brains of the outfit. She came and went at will and was always putting the others up to madcap ideas and then sits back and lets them take the blame. I tried clipping her wings but did it make any difference? Well it did briefly until she went for a walk and never came back.

In summary

DO NOT PANIC

Cook lots of omelettes

Keep growing the Garlic